8th period. just watched a very exciting movie about the human fetus, quite enjoyable....

hmm so much is going on. EASTER is sunday, yay that will be fun. the easter bunny is coming too. saturday, im going to my dads... and tommorow i might get to do something with kelsey.

im not really having a good week. i have sorta just shut down. im tired of caring anymore. on tuesday i talked to my saxaphone teacher guy. i dont think i really played my saxaphone, he asked me how i was, and i kinda just let it all out. i wasn't crying on his shoulder or anything, but he really helped me put shit back into perspective. i cant take my mom or school, or this stupid shit with traci, i am done with it all. i have closed myself off. this cant happen. i want to grow up and have to little kids who love me, live in a big house, with my wife and be happy with the way my life is. and if now, i give up.... that wont happen. i must push on, move forward.

monday is the starting line concert. i really wanted to go. i have been looking forward to seeing "no use for a name" for a long time. but everyone is going with out me. what am i suposed to do? go by myself? i cant go with. the evil bitch will throw a fit, and everyone will have no choice but to side with her, and leave me out cold. sure i could go, then kelsey could come be with me after starting line... but only cause she would feel like she had to. i know that she would be better off if i didn't go. but i want to, and fuck traci. really... so im sure i wont go. i will sit at home and do nothing. like always. im give up................................................................................................................................................*