umm yeah. i dont know what to say. what i really want to say i guess i shouldn't say here, that wouldn't be fair. but i really need to say something. i didn't go to school today, fuck it. im failing everything why bother trying anymore. this is so not good, i really dont want to fuck up my life. saxaphone fuck that, i havent practiced all week. boy scouts, i will never make it why bother trying.. it all doesn't matter. and the one thing in my life that i actually had figured out.. im not so sure about any more. dont take this badly.... i know you will but dont. it just doesn't make sense. im not trying to make a big deal out of anything that isn't, and im not saying this is or isn't. i just dont know... the last time i said that.....i dont mean it that way, i dont know how to feel. i dont doubt anything, i just dont understand. i cant guess. i dont want to have to assume, but thats about the best i can do. i dont want there to be a problem, there isn't.. i just dont know.

dont read this and go oh no he is whining again, or think something is horribly wrong, because there isn't. everything is fine. im just a bit lost, i need to find myself again.

i find my self reading throught this girls diary, where she spills her inner thoughts. so full of hate, anger and fear. i do not know this girl, i dont even know what she looks like. but i feel sorry for her. all she wants is to be loved. to know that someone cares. but she doesn't think that anyone does. such ill thoughts, the threat of suicide, but i dont think she wants to die, she just wants to live. it is no cry for help, its a cry for attention, she needs somebody, someone who cares. i do not know her, i wish i did, i wish i could help.