<< | 2004-03-30 @ 3:00 p.m. | >>
to wish

this is like speaking to an empty room, but some times that what you need. i dont want the critism of an audience. eyes sewed shut, mouthes taped. that is the best i can do. i wish that something were different. i wish i were smarter, or quicker, better looking, but eh, you are what you are.. or eat. i miss andrew. i do, truly do. he is the only one that understands me, save one, but thats different. he understands, what she is not capable.

i wish she had something to say. i wish she had a lot to tell me, good r bad. anything. a long silence can cover the deteriating around us. distance will only hurt us. she told me to leave her alone... thats fair... i understand. i wish things were different, i wish i could keep my big mouth shut and stop screwing everything up. i want a house on a street with an elm tree and a big lazy dog. i want to be free. i want to leave at three in the morning and walking down the sidewalk, knowing i would returning to someone worrying, that had a reason. i wish that i had a reason. a reason for anything.

i wish the smoke would clear. leave us be, all of us. stop stepping on our ant hill. wish to wish. live to live. around the corning.. and i am waiting.

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